Plan B is the new Plan A
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
