I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
