You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
