Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
