Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
