is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
