Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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