So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
