Do you still have your period?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
