Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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