I hate your face
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
