he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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