dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
