I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The adults are the big ones right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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