oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
