so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
