She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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