What did we do last night that was yellow?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
