my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
