Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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