I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
