the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
