On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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