I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
