i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
