Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
