She's JV to your varsity
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
