Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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