why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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