I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
