you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
