I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
