My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
