you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
