what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
