I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Holy sore nipples Batman
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
