haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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