Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
