This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
