i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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