someone get that fucking seahorse.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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