I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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