we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
