My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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