I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
