i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
