i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
