I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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