2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Found your dick twin last night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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