Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
time to smoke my breakfast
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
