i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
