Can i not drive my cunt home
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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