it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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