Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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